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Sherlock BBC Prompting Meme

"we get all sorts around here."


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Prompting: Part XV
Giggles at the Palace
sherlockbbc_fic
Please check the Sticky Post to find the newest active part and post your prompts there.

Prompts from this post can be filled on the Overflow Post



GENERAL GUIDELINES
+Anon posting is most definitely allowed, but not required.
+All kinds of fills are accepted! Fic, art, vids, cosplay, interpretive dance--whatever. Go wild! :D
+Keep things neat! Read prompts before you post to see if something similar has already been done, and while you are encouraged to prompt as much as you like, try to fill as well.
+Please do not re-post prompts unless the last time they were prompted was on an older part. Simply put: ONE posting of each prompt per part.
+RPF (real person fic, i.e. fic involving the actors themselves) is not supported at this meme.
+Depending on the rate of activity, there may or may not be a prompt freeze when a part reaches 2000 and 4500 comments.
+However, there will be one when it reaches 7000. Also at 7000, after the freeze a new part will be posted, and all prompting should happen on the new part.
+Multiple fills are encouraged! :) Just because a prompt has already been claimed or written by someone, do not be afraid to offer up a second fill.

THE FILLED PROMPTS POST
There's a link to this at the bottom of the post. I ask that if the part you wanted isn't up yet, just wait and one of the archivists will get to it, but please, once it is up, please make sure you post your fills there according to the guidelines. DO NOT skip out on doing this because it seems like too much effort.
Do not be afraid to ask questions about how it works if you are confused! The mod would be happy to explain.

CONTACTING MODS
Your mods for this meme are snowishness and marill_chan. If you have any questions, concerns, comments about anything at all on the meme feel free to send a PM or contact us via the page-a-mod post.

WARNINGS/OFFENSIVE WORDING IN PROMPTS
Please consider warning for triggery prompts (and also for fills, because some people read in flat view) and phrasing prompts in a manner that strives to be respectful.

Things which you might want to consider warning for include: Rape/Non-Con, Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Harm, Underage Relationships, among others.

That being said, this is a kink meme. As such, there will be prompts that could offend you in a number of different ways. Not every prompt will have a trigger warning, and not every prompt will rub you the right way. If you have an issue with a specific prompt, feel free to bring it up in a discussion that takes place off the meme. However, flaming will not be tolerated regardless of origin.
You are highly encouraged to scroll right past a prompt that you dislike.

Remember, guys; Be civil, be friendly, but don’t be shy!

LINKS AND AFFILIATES
Delicious Archive - Delicious Prompt Archive
Filled Prompts Post - Page-A-Mod

Check the Sticky Post to find a list of all the prompting posts.

Flat View of This Page
Love Post - Rant Post - Chatter Post
Sherlock RPF Request Post

Overflow Post


  • 1

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4a/5ish)

(Anonymous)
oh god, you all, you are dangerously lovely, and i can only hope this update lives up to your expectations. thank you so much for all your encouragement and kindness, I keep it well-loved. &hearts

ALSO. the fantastic raggedyhipster has written (http://raggedyhipster.livejournal.com/579.html) fic (http://raggedyhipster.livejournal.com/840.html) of this (&hearts&hearts&hearts). if you haven't read it, go do it right now, it's amazing.



...


cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,

Ahahahah, okay, so. This fic featuring consulting_detective and myself was written on the kinkmeme. I read it, I LOL'd, and then I showed it to consulting_detective, who can't be arsed to browse the meme like a normal human being and so apparently relies on me to rec him the best stuff.

We giggled over it like a pair of schoolboys. And then we wrote a prequel to it, because apparently we're as mad as they go.

(So this is fic about fic about, well, fic. I need a YOU'VE BEEN INCEPTION'D macro now.)

Title: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS no seriously, we couldn't find a title so yeah, it doesn't get one
Authors: consulting_detective and jumperfucker
Characters: consulting_detective and jumperfucker, ironically enough
Rating: PG
Length: 2,000 words
Warnings: HEAVY SARCASM IS PRESENT THROUGHOUT THIS STORY. DO BE CAREFUL AND DON'T TRIP ON IT.
Summary: Well, you see, when a fanartist and a fic writer love each other very very much…

(so we're basically doing what they've wanted us to do for ages?)

(I feel vaguely like Misha Collins now. Shh, it's amazing.)

(55 comments) - (post a comment)


w_harry
oh.
my.
god.

john, you are so dating him irl. you can't not.

jumperfucker
I'm not, really! we've never even seen each other's face.

w_harry
PETTY LIES THESE

neveryou_again
John, surely you realize that this will only increase the gossip about you two?

jumperfucker
We be trollin'. :D

notthat_bill
John, i thought these were just rumors

Are you two really fucking or what

jumperfucker
We're not, for the record.

w_harry
but you wish you were, admit itttttt

jumperfucker
Harry, please stop it.

sarah_s
/WHEEZING

jumperfucker
:D *hugs*





i'll fix you that cuppa (mrs_hudson) wrote in shkinkmeme,

On RPF, BNFs, and the Filled Prompts List
My dears, did you think I would not notice the number of consulting_detective/jumperfucker prompts and fills that have been cropping up? really, you ought to know better than that.

But you have chosen your pairing wisely; I've asked the boys, and they have been kind enough to give you permission to write about them. In fact, they've written some themselves.

This meme is not supposed to allow RPF, because of the consent issues which these may bring. But since no celebrities are being harmed in the writing of these fills, and our boys have given their full permission, the mods will — just this once! — permit it. This permission concerns consulting_detective and jumperfucker alone, so no cheating on the rules, everyone!

Lastly, you may have noticed that the Filled Prompts List has reached the 10,000 comments limit. And this is very good, my lads and lasses. I am proud to present you with the Second Filled Prompts List. And, as promised, we have a Party Post to celebrate this new step, awaiting your gifs and macros and celebration cake. :)

Have fun, dears!

(56 comments) - (post a comment)

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4b/5ish)

(Anonymous)
you (22:11): … oh, come off it. nobody's really called sherlock holmes.

consulting_detective (22:11): And yet, I am. My parents had a very peculiar sense of humour.

you (22:12): do you have a brother
no hold on,
i don't think i want to know
you're getting really deep into the persona, then. deductions? really?

consulting_detective (22:12): It seemed like the right thing to do.
You are being very hypocritical, Doctor John Watson.

you (22:13): how
oh, god, of course you'd know, you would
that's different, though. my parents never read the books. the medicine, the army, it was a complete coincidence. i didn't even realize until i came home to london and read the stories again.
so is this, by the way. i mean, i'm called john watson, and i meet a sherlock holes?
*holmes
what are the odds?

consulting_detective (22:14): I should say seven thousand and one hundred and sixty-three to one against.

you (22:15): did you actually calculate that, or did you just guess?

consulting_detective (22:15): I never guess.

you (22:16): right, yes. you wouldn't.
oh my god, and you beta fic for people.
you're a consulting beta

consulting_detective (22:16): That's a lousy joke, John.

you (22:17): you are, though
oh, i bet your literary counterpart would have loved that.

consulting_detective (22:18): Considering the number of times he criticized the works of your literary counterpart, I should say so.
Not that I blame him. Your use of adjectives is horrid.

you (22:18): is this you offering to beta my fic?
in a very convoluted and awkward sort of way?

consulting_detective (22:19): Only if think you're able to take it.

you (22:20): right, yes. i do know that, actually.
well, Sarah and Mike would probably be delighted to get a breather, but
i don't know if it would be wise of me to say yes.
you would probably rip me apart.

consulting_detective (22:21): Frightened?

you (22:21): of you?

consulting_detective (22:21): Petty comebacks don't suit you, John.
You are not talking with anyone else. Yes, of me.

you (22:22): … i don't know. i mean, i know you are good at what you do, but — I don't know.
you would probably change me forever. for better or for worse.
i don't know if i'd like that.

consulting_detective (22:23): I can take care of you.

you (22:23): …
are we still talking about fanfic?

consulting_detective (22:24): You tell me, John.





cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,

Guess who I met on my way to Tesco's.

There was no trace of Tall, Pale and Gorgeous on the second day on the con, as most of you know — I've sure griped quite a lot about it afterwards — so apart from the faint hope of coming across him at another con some time, I wasn't actually planning on seeing him again. Turns out the man is a Londoner.

We were on either side of the street, so I'm pretty sure he didn't see me — even if he did, I hardly think he'd notice me, let alone recognize the short bloke in a jumper he's brushed past in a con, once. Ah well. He stalked past like a dark, long-limbed panther. It was very pretty.

And, you know. I've had a long day, I was tired, I was hungry, there was Top Gear on at eight. I'm not a creepy stalker, so I didn't follow him wherever the hell he was prowling to. But it was good to dream, for a while.

(38 comments) - (post a comment)


Re: The Theory of Narrative Causality (4b/5ish)

(Anonymous)
:D I've been wondering when they would have the "real names" conversation. Brilliant.

Re: The Theory of Narrative Causality (4b/5ish)

(Anonymous)
i'm called john watson, and i meet a sherlock holes?
*holmes


FREUDIAN MUCH??? XD

(Deleted comment)

Re: The Theory of Narrative Causality (4b/5ish)

(Anonymous)
you're a consulting beta

I've been giggling for a long time now, but this, THIS. I just started chortling.

This story is so, so awesome.

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4c/5ish)

(Anonymous)
(hchatmod) wrote in holmeschat,

THIS IS PART XVI.

DO NOT POST IN PART XV.

THE RULES ARE HERE.


(4874 comments) - (post a comment)


the_professor
Hello, my darlings!

I am quite new to your quaint little community and its pretty little rules — hullo, Moddie dear! — but I'm told I ought to pay my respects to the members of this remarkable fandom. After all, you will come to know me much better in upcoming days!

Now, then. I am also told that there are some… shall we say, recalcitrant people among you all. Surely that will not do at all. Take salts_theway, for instance. Very unladylike, you are, my dear, you might need yourself a little boyfriend to tame down your truculent urges. Oh, and miss_toby! poor little mouse, always so riddled with uncertainty. And such a dreadful lack of confidence. Always thinking you are not good enough for anyone — and quite right, you are! surely you didn't think your ridiculous little crush on consulting_detective would come to any profit, did you?

And all of you worshipping jumperfucker's silly stories. Oh, I could tell you so much about little Johnny's life that would appall you all. Should I indulge in the pleasure, do you think?

And then, oh yes. There is the case of consulting_detective. Boo.

It has always been difficult, has it not, to be the cleverest man in the room? to be bullied because of your delightful brains? oh, you are quite the Sherlock Holmes. A little child prodigy, looking up to the stories of his youth, never taken seriously by anyone. Do you know, where I come from, we call it a hero complex. What did it feel like when you first tried to gatecrash a crime scene and the police told you kindly to shove off?

I have giggled at your antics with sweet Johnny, you know. He does make quite a good little pet, does he not? so in awe of you, so inspiring. Lovely, truly. Too bad he is not quite on par with you on the intelligence level, but then nobody ever is, is there?

Anywho. Just wanted to pay my respects, my dears. See you again very soon!

w_harry
What. The fuck. Is this.

the_professor
Oh, Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry. How was your gin bottle last night?

jumperfucker
Harry, do you know him?

w_harry
No! at least I don't. I don't think so.

the_professor
Oh, no, neither of you knows me at all. And yet you do! how funny life is.

salts_theway
I don't need a fucking boyfriend, you creepy little fucker. If this is consulting_detective in disguise, I'm going to punch a kitten.

jumperfucker
Please don't punch kittens.

It's not him. He wouldn't do something so disgusting.

andrès_son
He's a freak of course he would

You see him praise his own fucking self all over this post, it's revolting

jumperfucker
Uh, seriously. Shut up.

Look, I know consulting_detective. He's a bit of a jerk, but he's not a freak, and he's certainly not the kind of stalker that would spout out insults about other fandom members on a sockpuppet. Okay? okay.

consulting_detective
Of course I'm not. If I want to insult people I would hardly need to make a secret account for it. You might want to use your brains, andrès_son.

let_us_trade — Pre-Ban Notice
Alright, that's enough. This thread has been frozen. the_professor, I don't know who the hell you are or what the fuck you think you're doing, but this is going too far. If it's a joke, it's a sick one, and we expect apologies in the briefest delay.

Meanwhile, consider this your a pre-ban notice — pull this kind of stunt again and you will be banned without notification.


The Theory of Narrative Causality (4d/5ish)

(Anonymous)
[redacted] wrote in fandom_wank,

"Good morning, Holmes!" I said to my friend and flatmate, as I returned to our lodgings on Baker Street that fine June morning to find him curled up in his armchair by the fireside, his mouse dressing-gown pulled tight around the edges of his, his long legs folded underneath him and his graceful fingers carelessly handling a letter. "What is this, a case?"

"Not quite," he replied, flashing me a swift smile from over the thin letter paper. "A confidence, rather. They have asked for my… advice, certainly, but my assistance I think will not be required."

"Then why do you look so happy?" I seated myself in my armchair, feeling more cheerful by the minute as I picked up my pipe. "Does the matter have some matters of interest, despite its not requiring your involvement?"

"You could certainly say so, Watson," he said, sounding quite as cheerful as I. "Settle yourself quite comfortable, my dear man, and listen well, for this is quite the pretty story…"



CHARACTER LIST


consulting_detective; a modern Sherlock Holmes and popular fanartist, infamous for his antics;
jumperfucker; consulting_detective's boyfriend best friend, BNF fic writer;
the_professor; a self-avowed stalker;
theimprobableone; a troll;
jim_fromit; a perfectly nice guy;
miss_toby; jim_fromit's girlfriend;
let_us_trade, my_croft and mrs_hudson; Overlords Mods;
w_harry; jumperfucker's sister;
sarah_s, storm_ford, not_thatbill, never_youagain, di_mock, lass_sirene; assorted Lj users;
anons;
Sherlock Holmes fandom;


ACT ONE: the premises


In late March, 2011, jumperfucker and consulting_detective are paired together in the shbigbang. See our entry on the subject here. It's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

As their relationship strengthens (i.e., becomes more and more homoerotic), people begin to suspect a certain something between them, and make several suggestions about their (potential) sex-life. Kinkmeme fills abound. jumperfucker and consulting_detective consistently deny the rumours, but do not help themselves by flirting quite incessantly and even writing RPF fic of themselves.

Early May: jumperfucker complains of being sent threatening messages by theimprobableone, who bears 1) an empty profile, and 2) a single entry on their journal. After jumperfucker bans theimprobableone from commenting/sending him PMs, he receives several anonymous comments along the same vein, and turns off anon commenting for a week. You can find some of the anon comments jumperfucker has disdained to delete here, or here. Eventually, the anon, who can safely be assumed to be theimprobableone, grows tired of making useless threats, flounces one last time, and disappears. (Note: jumperfucker has kept this comment for posterity.)

Mid-may: everything goes to hell.


ACT TWO: the_professor enters


On the 15th of May, a new member of holmeschat starts this thread, since frozen by the mod, in which they attack several key members of the fandom, and make personal remarks on their lives, most of which appear to be true. the_professor thus earns himself the reputation of a stalker, and is given a wide berth in all the other Sherlock Holmes communities.

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4e/5ish)

(Anonymous)
andrès_son suggests that the_professor's apparent admiration of consulting_detective's skills might indicate that he is, in fact, a sockpuppet created by him. jumperfucker angrily responds. consulting_detective's own answer is scathing. salts_theway seems to agree with andrès_son for a while, but eventually appears to change her mind.

consulting_detective then proceeds to argue that the_professor is only a new, more educated version of jumperfucker's previous stalker. The theory is ignored for the moment, but will later, we'll see, be accepted as true by most members of the fandom.

the_professor makes several more posts on cox_and_co and holmeschat in a matter of days (and sporadically appears on shkinkmeme as well), without attacking any more LJ users, and resorting only to criticizing the '09 movie rather violently (which will give the detractors of the consulting_detective = the_professor a lot of material to work with, as consulting_detective has often in the past expressed his dislike for the Ritchie 'verse.) He seems to ship Holmes/Moriarty belligerently, considers it canon and refuses to admit any other reading of the ACD stories. One discussion he has with miss_toby (who ships Holmes/Irene) turns sour, and the_professor is eventually banned from holmes_chat on the 22nd of May, a week after his first post.

After that, the fandom settles down a bit, laughs at itself for a while, and goes on their merry ways, thinking the wank is over for this time.

IT'S NEVER OVER.

ACT THREE: the calm before the storm


the_professor continues to flounce in his own journal, but is, for the most part, ignored. Several members, such as sarah_s or lass_sirene, make posts commenting on the past few days, and warn to STAY AWAY FROM HIM, quoting several of the grievances they have been subjected to. Most of the fandom agrees, and both let_us_trade and my_croft write a WARNING POST in holmeschat and cox_and_co.

consulting_detective remains very quiet, appearing briefly on his own journal and apparently talking with jumperfucker in chats. He does not comment on the wank.

never_youagain makes a post on the_professor's obvious misogyny, relying on the_professor's especially scathing comments towards the known female members of the comms.

mrs_hudson, the mod of shkinkmeme, writes an open letter to the troll, in which she tells him,

"If you have tried to threaten us, you have failed. If you have tried to frighten us, you have failed. If you have tried to goad us, you have failed. You have only managed to make a masquerade of yourself, made yourself petty and mean in our opinions."

People everywhere cheer. Several of the commenters on this post advice the_professor to take some of mrs_hudson's infamous herbal soothers to calm himself down. the_professor makes an anon apparition, going as far as signing his comment, but gets mostly U MAD for a reply.

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4f/5ish)

(Anonymous)
On the 26th, jumperfucker posts a new entry about trolls and how to recognize them, a fairly humorous post, in which he mocks the_professor's rather unique writing style.

the_professor posts an anon comment on this post, threatening jumperfucker to reveal what he knows.

jumperfucker replies with a very eloquent macro.


ACT FOUR: the explosion


On the 27th of May, the_professor writes a new entry to his journal, which he proceeds to advertise in every community he wasn't banned from, in which he announces a Grand Reveal of jumperfucker's shameful secrets two days later. Comments on this are divided. w_harry's reaction is violent; jumperfucker tells everyone to ignore the troll and he'll go away. Despite this, several people profess their interest for the_professor's information.

On the 29th, the_professor makes the promised entry about jumperfucker, in which he proceeds to give his real life name, his birthdate, his current address, his place of work, and even his favourite restaurant. With pictures. And threatens to nudge his employers towards his journal.

The great revelation, in fact, is that — according to the_professorjumperfucker's real name is John Watson. Oh, and he's an ex-army doctor who was wounded in Afghanistan. Ring any bells yet?

Fandom proceeds to freak the fuck out.

Comments explode under two hours. Many call troll. Many demand the deletion of the entry, whether the information contained in it is true or not. There is a long thread as to the ethics of outing someone. After four hours, the cat macros begin to come out.

Those who are known to have met jumperfucker IRL, such as sarah_s and storm_ford, are assaulted with questions as soon as they comment on the post as to the truth of the_professor's assertions. Both of them decline to comment.

Eventually, jumperfucker finally arrives six hours after the entry's being posted, fails to confirm his identity one way or another, and asks the_professor why he enjoys harassing him so insistently, and what he has ever done to him. the_professor then accuses him of being too close to consulting_detective.

jumperfucker's answer to this is eloquent:

"You've been trying to get me out of the way for so long I've lost count, just because you're jealous of my relationship with my friend? We already knew you were bonkers, but this is REALLY FUCKING CREEPY."

Cue sparring match between the two, overflowing on several other threads. Highlights:

the_professor: "If he likes you so well, why hasn't he come yet to rescue you from the big bad wolf?"

jumperfucker: "Don't flatter yourself."

the_professor: "A pet is good enough to have, but when it comes to being challenged intellectually, you are hardly good enough."

jumperfucker: "and yet he has not yet graced you with his company, has he?"

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4g/5ish)

(Anonymous)
As more LJ users continue to pour in, alerted by several warning posts, the discussion becomes rather more violent, threatening the_professor of being stalked back and of taking revenge. Eventually, the commenters are divided between a large majority who condemns the_professor and back jumperfucker, and a minority who do not condone the_professor's stalker behaviour, but congratulate him on taking on a well-known BNF. Plus assorted trolls.

Old grievances begin to come out. jumperfucker asks everybody to calm down. Nobody does.

let_us_trade comments on his journal that "If the_professor had slicked the entire fandom in petrol and then took a match to it… he could not have had a better result than what is currently happening to us."

ACT FOUR: the counter-attack


consulting_detective had remained fairly quiet during all this, despite his boyfriend best friend being directly threatened. Several people, andrès_son as their head, have argued that it was proof of their consulting_detective = the_professor theory. On May 31st, however, consulting_detective makes a new entry, in which he makes the following points:

- theimprobableone was jumperfucker's first stalker, and came back anon after he was banned for about a week.
- the_professor's arrival in fandom pretty much coincides with theimprobableone's disappearance.
- their IP addresses match.
- hence, it is safe to assure they are the same person, or at least are working together.

Secondly:

- theimprobableone expressed himself with poor grammar, poorer spelling, and no punctuation at all.
- the_professor's writing, by contrast, is very nearly flawless (if a bit hyped up.)
- it is therefore safe to assume they are the same person, who assumes different writing styles.

Thirdly:

- theimprobableone and the_professor's IP addresses match with jim_fromit's.

Fandom collectively goes WHAT THE FUCK.

Many, including miss_toby, jim_fromit's girlfriend, refuse to believe him. Others agree that it is suspicious. Several people consider the fact that the_professor seems to know SH fandom very well, despite his being a new member.

On June the first, however, twenty-three hours after consulting_detective's newest post, jim_fromit writes a new entry in his own journal, in which he admits to being the_professor. This marks the disappearance of his nice guy demeanor, and the jim_fromit journal is then accepted as yet another sockpuppet. (Although possibly the original sockpuppet.)

This thread on holmeschat has the fandom's reactions, from "I always knew he was weird," to "How could he fool us all so well?" miss_toby makes an uncomprehending apparition, and is instantly shepherded by salts_theway and storm_ford.

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4h/5ish)

(Anonymous)
Yesterday, June 2nd: jim_fromit makes another entry, comments closed, to tell SH fandom it's been fun, and he'll see them again very soon. Oh, and take care of your little pets. See you all later, darlings!

The fandom is still catching its breath. More developments later?

ETA: lass_sirene has a round-up post here.

ETA the second: it would seem that jim_fromit was working with miss_toby as well as dating her, but has now disappeared from their place of work. miss_toby mentioned this in her journal.

tiger_trap, a complete unknown in the Sherlock Holmes fandom who seems to write mostly Star Trek, commented on this post, claiming to be jim_fromit's real partner (warning: the content of his comment is more unfunny_fandom than fandom_wank).

miss_toby has not replied. salts_theway has. Comments were since closed.

ETA numéro trois: the_professor's post about jumperfucker has been deleted. Screencaps here.

ETAs are forever: consulting_detective's post on the whole wank.

ETA and ETA have a baby: more screencaps.

ETA n° OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK: my_croft has just made this post in cox_and_co:

"The disturbance is over. The disturber has been taken care of. Please resume your usual activities.

We would like to extend our apologies to miss_toby for the hardship she has just undergone, as well as jumperfucker, for failing to protect him properly. We hope it will not cause you both to leave this fandom, as we greatly enjoy your contributions."


jim_fromit, the_professor and theimprobableone have all been deleted. (Screencaps welcome.) Fandom is still... wondering.

("So you see, my dear Watson, this is how the situation stands," Sherlock Holmes said thoughtfully, stuffing his pipe. "I expect they will not necessitate my help at all; this consulting_detective appears to be doing all the work himself quite as well as I would."

"Holmes," I said, slowly — "what kind of stories are these people writing about us?"
)

(see comments) - (post a comment)





cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,

So this was a big bad mess.

There's quite a lot that has been said and done by a lot of people over the last few days, and I've not quite finished reading all the links included in this round-up, but I'd like to address a few issues here.

Many, many thanks to all the lovely people who've gotten me through this, sent me encouragement and v-gifts, or just simply held my hand, figuratively and literally. I am endlessly grateful to you all, and grateful to be sharing this amazing fandom with such fantastic people. Thank you so much.

Kudos to our three Overlords — let_us_trade, my_croft, and the wonderful mrs_hudson — for dealing with this conflict responsibly and without losing (too much of) their pretty heads. Mods as respectful and open-minded as they are are rare, and we're pretty damn lucky to have them.

To those who have been making disgraceful comments about miss_toby — CUT. THAT. OUT. miss_toby has been betrayed by someone she trusted, and has dealt with the fall-out in a more sensible and courageous manner than anyone else could have done. Leave her the fuck alone.

The Theory of Narrative Causality (4i/5ish)

(Anonymous)
And the great revelation, because, well, I'd be kidding myself if I said this isn't what everybody's been talking about. Yes, my name is John Watson. For the record, my parents hadn't read the books until after I was born, and weren't at all aware that Doyle's Watson's first name was John when they chose a name for me. (Not that Doyle did, either. He seemed pretty damn confused about the whole thing himself.) I also am an ex-army doctor, and I was invalidated home from Afghanistan, which was, and remains, a complete and utter coincidence. In some ways, really, this only makes me sad; well over a century has passed, and yet the conflicts are still there, in the same place.

I went there with the wish to help people, in a greater and higher way than I could if I just stayed at home to tend to the flu and the occasional chicken pox. It was… overwhelming. I am not quite sure whether I found something there. What I do know is that coming back to London after that, with a shattered shoulder and a very stiff leg, was a terrible, dreary experience. And then I found fandom.

Someone — I think you will guess who — once told me that I used Sherlock Holmes fanfiction as a means of coping with my trauma. It's true in many ways. Fandom gave me a certain anchor at a time when it was all I could do not to simply drown myself in London. It gave me purpose through writing, gave me friends, made me get a grip on my life and go out for job interviews when I needed to. Writing Watson's POV was very helpful as well, because it was easy to protect myself in the skin of an ex-army doctor wounded in action, and it helped me get a certain sense of perspective.

But he's not me, and I don't write him as me. My interpretation of him is influenced by my own experiences, that's true enough, but I and my betas work hard to make sure he is his own character, faithful to the book, the Granada series, or the '09 movie.

And there are good outcomes to this whole wreck of a wank anyhow. Most of you know that w_harry is my sister. Most of you do not know that following my return to London two years ago, she was just out of a very bloody divorce with her new ex-wife Clara.

And, well. Apparently, I'm not the only one who finds an involvement in fandom cathartic. And if you're on their flists, you probable know that w_harry and neveryou_again have had a very charming, very flirty relationship these past few months. When my real name came out a few days ago, neveryou_again put two and two together and realized that all this time she had been steadily flirting with her own ex-wife.

So now they've off on vacation together, enjoying the Bermudas and probably having a lot of sex, so I guess some good things have come out of all this mess.

Let's just calm the fuck down, yeah?

(89 comments) - (post a comment)


storm_ford
I'm so sorry, John. I wasn't expecting this when I introduced you to fandom.

jumperfucker
It's fine. Bit of a shock, though.

miss_toby
Thank you. *hugs*

jumperfucker
*hugs back*

You're welcome. You've been a queen throughout this. Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything, yeah?

miss_toby
I will. :)

salts_theway
She's got me anyhow — we're eating ice cream and swearing off men forever. :P

not_thatbill
Good on you, mate. Don't let that fucker bring you down

jumperfucker
Yeah, don't worry. I'm here to stay.

sarah_s
Don't worry. If I see anyone loitering around the surgery, I'll run them off.

jumperfucker
My hero. :D


The Theory of Narrative Causality (4j/5ish)

(Anonymous)
consulting_detective (21:54): For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

you (21:55): hey
don't
it's not your fault

consulting_detective (21:55): I ought to have prevented it.

you (21:55): you ought to have nothing at all
we all thought it was a troll, there was no way you could have known

consulting_detective (21:56): Of course there was a way I could have known. I'm too clever not to have known.

you (21:57): yes you are.
but that doesn't mean you're psychic
it's fine, sherlock, i swear

consulting_detective (21:57): And now your identity is out there for the world to see.
He did that.
I could rip him limb by limb for it.

you (21:58): calm down, tiger.
look.
it was only a matter of time before a thing like that happened.
there were going to be leaks eventually, too many people knowing
and anyway i haven't gotten any stalkers yet, so that's good

consulting_detective (21:59): He put you in the line of fire.

you (21:59): yeah, he did.
because he knew i'd make a good weapon
against you.
it was never about me, sherlock.

consulting_detective (22:00): Of course it was about you.
It's always been about you.

you (22:01): I
well.

consulting_detective (22:01): It wasn't me he sent inflammatory comments to.

you (22:02): that's exactly what i mean
he used me
because he knew he could get you that way

consulting_detective (22:03): He knew I'd gotten too involved.

you (22:03): don't you dare.
don't you fucking dare say that to me, sherlock holmes.

consulting_detective (22:04): I don't regret it, John.

you (22:04): good.
because
you know
I don't regret you either.
I don't think I could if I tried.
you're so
so brilliant and amazing and
fuck
i wasn't joking when i said i felt like the original john watson faced with the original sherlock holmes, you know

consulting_detective (22:06): John
John, I.
I would very much like to know what you mean by that.

you (22:06): just that

fuck
i can't do this

consulting_detective (22:07): that's

you (22:08): online, i mean
I can't do this with nothing but a screen and a keyboard in front of me.

i want to see you

consulting_detective (22:08): …
There is an Italian restaurant at the corner of Northumberland Street. Angelo's. I go there often enough.
8 p.m, tomorrow.

you (22:09): right, I'll be there.
goodnight, sherlock. see you then.

jumperfucker is disconnected.

...

longest. update. ever. i wasn't expecting to write such a monster when i first started this. fifth part on tuesday, as usual, and then there'll probably be a short epilogue. :D &hearts

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Re: The Theory of Narrative Causality (4a/5ish)

(I feel vaguely like Misha Collins now. Shh, it's amazing.)

A;SLDKFJ;AOICJX;OEXMO OH MY GOD
I just spasmed so hard I hurt myself.
YOU MAKE ME HURT MYSELF, ANON.

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